12 Ways to Be Your Own Best Friend

We can learn to be our own best friend. If we do, we have a friend for life. We can buoy ourselves up, give ourselves comfort and sustenance when there is no one else. ~ Mildred Newman & Bernard Berkowitz

12 Ways to Be Your Own Best Friend

The longest relationship you will ever have in the history of your life is with yourself. Therefore, it’s up to you to labor over and cultivate the strength and depth of connection you have with yourself.

1. Praise yourself, rather than waiting for others to do it for you.

When you do something you are proud of, dwell on it a little, praise yourself for it, relish the experience, take it in.

2. Realize that you are fundamentally worthy.

Most of us equate failures in our lives with us personally being failures. We need to remember that if we outsource our self-worth and self-esteem, we will always wind up feeling like miserable failures. Why? Because the thoughts, opinions, beliefs and expectations that we use as yardsticks to measure our success and worth are outside of our control. They constantly fluctuate and change often causing us to feel like failures because we never cultivated an inner and innate sense of worthiness.

3. Laugh at yourself.

Not in a mocking or self-derisive way, but as a friend would. Be good-natured towards yourself and find humor in the little strange things you say, think and do. When you stop taking yourself so seriously, you open yourself up to more inner harmony and wholeness.

4. Accept, rather than punish yourself.

A true friend accepts both the good and bad in you without passing vicious judgment. Acceptance opens doorways that allow you to solve your problems, rather than wallowing in them.

5. Spend a lot of time discovering more about your character/personality.

What are your deeper drives and motivations, what things do you like and dislike, what are your greatest strengths and weaknesses? Oftentimes people look outside of themselves for the formation of their tastes, ideas, goals and pursuits because they haven’t spent enough time developing a strong sense of self. The more you understand yourself truly, the easier it will be to like and respect yourself for who you are, rather than who you think you are according to external people, trends and circumstances in your life.

6. Cultivate self-awareness.

Becoming conscious of your inner workings, e.g. your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, assumptions, motivations, etc. Paying attention to what goes on inside of you is the first step to discovering why you think, feel and behave the way you do, promoting self-understanding; an essential ingredient in any healthy friendship and relationship. And without being self aware of who you are and what you do, you will never be able to develop a genuine bond with yourself.

7. Seek out Solitude.

In order to develop a good level of awareness and understanding of yourself, you need time alone, away from the distractions and dramas of the world. Learning to value the restorative powers of Solitude is essential in developing a strong bond with yourself. If you can’t stand being by yourself and enjoying your own company, you will quite simply never be able to be your own best friend.

8. Learn how to support and comfort yourself.

A genuine best friend is supportive and comforting in times of need and distress, often knowing exactly what to say or what to do to make us feel better. When it comes to supporting ourselves, on the other hand, we often drown out our pain by indulging in food, sex, gambling and other addictions including self-pity and other self-destructive behaviors. Learning how to face our hurt, instead of escaping from it, is one of the most essential (and most difficult) ways of developing self-love. When we listen to our emotional needs, and open ourselves up to the vulnerability of experiencing shame, anger and grief, we can then take the appropriate steps to help assuage the hurt we feel in a healthy and productive way.

9. Learn how to have fun alone.

When most of us think of enjoying ourselves, we usually equate it with other human contact. Going to the movies, playing sports, games, attending interest groups, booking a table at the restaurant … it’s a sad truth that many of us have learned to enjoy life in the company of others, but not solely in the company of ourselves. Try developing an enjoyable interest that you can pursue alone. Doing so will help to deepen your bond with yourself.

10. Do a random act of kindness for yourself each day.

A nice warm bath, a relaxing hour in the sun, a delicious smoothie … there are many kind things we can treat ourselves to each day. We just need to take the time and put the effort into doing them. Doing so shows love and respect for yourself.

11. Listen to your body.

A true best friend treats you kindly and motivates you to be the best person you can possibly be. The sad truth is: many of us treat our bodies terribly. We neglect them, ignore them, and consistently abuse them, creating a host of physical, emotional and psychological illnesses. Listen to the needs of your body. If you’re constantly tired, fatigued, unhappy with your weight, have chronic pain, look exhaustively into possible remedies. All too often we ignore the aches, pains and demands of our bodies, being caught up in the circus of worldly chaos each day instead. When we put the needs of our bodies above the other perceived needs in our lives, we show ourselves immense self-respect, as a best friend would.

12. Learn to focus on positive things about yourself, rather than negative.

Shifting your focus requires you to essentially reprogram your entire mind – especially if you have the tendency to berate, criticize and put-down yourself every day. Most of the time you are actually unaware of the unconscious dialogue that constantly chatters away in your brain (referred to as “self talk”). Try taking time out of the day (e.g. whenever you wake up or go to sleep), to say nice things to yourself. Speak daily affirmations to boost your self-worth and happiness. Effective self-talk examples could include: “I forgive myself”, “I let go of my past”, “I treat my body well”, “I love being myself”, etc.

Becoming your own best friend takes a lot of persistence and effort, with these small actions, your life will gradually become happier and more whole. The best thing about becoming your own best friend is that it’s a gift you will have for life, a gift that no one can ever take away from you.